Surprise Visit

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote and honestly it feels like it has been several months.  The past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions.  After what felt like weeks and weeks of the end of September, I finally made it to October which felt like a milestone within itself.  My routine without Adam around was falling into place and my days were starting to pass by quickly.  

Then Adam found out he had a four day pass.  But before I even had time to exclaim with excitement I was reminded that I should not get my hopes up.  "There's a chance that things could change and that I might not have that time off."  Ha!  What is new?  The unpredictability of the army has unfortunately become a trait of this lifestyle that I have not so happily grown accustomed to.  So I assured him that I was not counting on it.  Wink wink.

Luckily for me and for Adam the army kept her promise to let us spend one more weekend together.  This was the best and the worst thing that could have happened.  The weekend was absolutely incredible.  From staying in a gorgeous mansion with mountain views to visiting Fort Bliss to hiking the Organ Mountains to announcing our engagement to starting our first tradition of buying vacation Christmas ornaments together to watching Portlandia I could not have asked for a better weekend with my favorite person.  Unfortunately this made it all the much harder to leave.  

This goodbye was different from our goodbye in Kilgore.  For the first time I knew for a fact that this was going to be the last time I would see Adam until next year.  There would not be anymore surprise visits.  This goodbye meant goodbye. 

Adam took me to the airport and waited with me outside of security.  Usually I go through security super early because I end up stressing out about making my flight, but this time I waited until the very last second.  I didn't want to leave.  Heck, at this point I wouldn't have even cared if I had missed my flight.  At least I would have had a little more time with him.  Our goodbye felt rushed and honestly I can't even recall what we said to each other.  All I could think about was how much I didn't want to walk away from him.  But after a minute or two and a few tears later we parted ways knowing that the longer we made our goodbye the harder it would be.  Unlike my tearless drive home from Kilgore, the plane ride home was a torrential downpour of emotions.  Luckily for me there were about ten other ladies who were also sporting the same teary-eyed, emotionally drained face.

Tuesday and Wednesday have kept me busy but there is definitely a noticeable absence I feel unlike after our Kilgore goodbye.  Certain moments, songs, jokes, places etc. remind me of you and how much I miss you.  Tears come and go and I dream about the day that I get to be back in your arms.  I'll keep the light on.