Let the Countdown Begin

One week and two days have gone by since Adam and I said our goodbyes.  Every single day that we have been away from each other has been difficult in a different way than what I had initially expected.  I have not experienced any real meltdowns, although tears have come and gone, but every night as I sit in bed by myself a form of melancholy washes over me.  I reflect on the day and I think about all of the moments that would have made Adam and I laugh.  I think about all of the things that day that would have been much more enjoyable if Adam had been with me.  I think about the little things that Adam does for me on a regular basis from feeding the dogs in the morning so that I can stay in bed a little bit longer to going out and buying us kolaches and donuts from Shipley's, not because he likes Shipley's best but because he knows that I do.  Right now life just isn't as sweet. 

So in an effort to be positive I have been telling myself over and over again that these upcoming months are going to fly by.  "The holidays will be here before we know it and then there will only be a few months until Adam's return."  Unfortunately for me, my pep talks are not convincing and deep down I feel the exact opposite.  

Even though Adam warned me countless times that these countdowns would only drive me insane,  I have it set in my mind that they will make time fly.  Don't tell Adam, but I think he is right, although I am not giving in just yet.  

***To be clear, Adam being right is a very rare occurrence in the Icenhauer/Mendoza household.

 Nevertheless, I have an app on my phone that counts down to the very exact second the number of days left of the deployment (this is all an approximation--no one really knows the exact date) and I find myself looking at this several times during the day thinking, "It's only been one hour since I last looked.  This is going to be a long ten months."  In fact, I cannot tell you how many times today I have wondered what day it is only to be disappointed that it is STILL September 17th and we are STILL a couple weeks away from October.

 Here are a few other ways that I have driven myself crazy thinking about potential (read: psychotic) countdowns for the rest of Adam's deployment:

The number of times I will take out the trash while he's gone.

The number of times I will have to buy coffee.

The number of bouquets of fresh flowers that would last until he gets back.

The number of seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise that will be aired.

The number of significant days (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries) that will happen while he's gone.

The number of times I will mow the lawn.

Etc, etc.

But so far during this short amount of time I have come to one important realization and that is that even though I am fully capable of living without you, Adam, there is not an ounce of me that wants to.  I love you so much and I look forward to the day that you can go and buy me kolaches again.